After four years of waiting, here we are again: watching people do athletic things in the blistering cold that make us feel a little more than dissatisfied with our own personal abilities. But if you can get past the overwhelming emotions of inadequateness, here’s a playlist to guide you through the leaps, jumps, laps, and #problems of Sochi’s finest (and probably only) event of the year.
1. We Will Rock You – Queen
The games have been off to a decent start with the USA claiming the first gold, but that hasn’t stopped Norway, and worse, Canada from taking the lead in sweeping up those medals. This is probably payback for trying to give them Justin Bieber back. We just need to remind ourselves that we are the USA. We are winners. We will triumph.
And we have Shaun White’s new haircut (even if he didn’t medal.)
2. 99 Problems – JAY Z
While the events and the opening ceremony have provided us with much entertainment thus far, it’s hard to get past the glitz and glamour that is the hotel life in Sochi. When the best part about having to break out of your own bathroom is realizing that the doors might be made out of cardboard, you know you’re in for an interesting stay.
3. Tubthumping – Chumbawamba
Did anyone understand the opening ceremony? Or for that matter, was anyone not at least a little bit irked by the mascots? Was it actually real? We have questions. There will probably never be answers. Much like this song, we still have no idea what it all means.
4. Smile Like You Mean It – The Killers
If anyone is excited for the Olympics, it’s Russian head honcho Vladimir Putin. The elation that radiated off of him during the opening ceremony could’ve practically kept the arena aglow on its own. Although he’s already generally known for his happy demeanor, we’re glad to see that the Olympics have brought out his inner goddess of joy.
5. Eyes on Fire – Blue Foundation
If we were giving Olympic medals to journalists this year, which they all probably deserve solely for the fact that they might be washing their faces with urine water, Bob Costas would get the gold. Having to hand the reins off to Matt Lauer after hosting 9 games prime time for an eye infection is a real pain.
6. Unbelievable – EMF
Sitting on your couch in yesterday’s t-shirt and sweatpants, a bowl of chips spilling slowly in the cracks, and salsa smeared on your chin is the both the best and worst way to watch Yulia Lipnitskaya, a 15-year-old, lift her feet up over her head while balancing on ice skates and spinning at the same time. Don’t worry. We feel like shit too.
7. Sleepyhead – Passion Pit
It’s 3 am, you have class in five hours, and curling is on. What are you doing? Not sleeping, that’s for damn sure. There’s no way in hell you’re going to miss a chance to watch athletes from around the world sweep ice in weird pants. You will drink your Starbucks and you will rock those dark circles like it’s your job because ‘MERICA.
8. Thrift Shop – Macklemore
If you weren’t one of the first few lucky shoppers to get your hands one of the sold out Team USA’s Ralph Lauren $600 knit cardigans, fret not. You still have $600 and most of your dignity (this does not apply to those described in #6.) Plus your mom probably has one just like it hidden in her winter clothes stash.
9. You’re So Damn Hot – Ok Go
If were talking about the Olympics, there’s really no way we can sidestep the fact that this is potentially the gathering for the most fit, successful, attractive humans of all time. Exhibits A, B and C: Canadian Hockey Players Patrick Sharp, Jonathan Toews, and Sidney Crosby. YUM. Norwegian snowboarder Silje Norendal, Canadian Skiing Lapointe sisters, and American skater Ashley Wagner will also be drawing your eyes this year.
10. Move Your Body – Beyonce (Yes, the healthy one!)
If the Olympics don’t inspire you to get off your ass and get to the gym or at least walk downstairs to the fridge instead of making one of your roommates do it for you, then you’re doing it wrong. Let these kickass athletes motivate you to do something and who better to help you than the Queen of success herself: Beyonce. US luger Kate Hansen relies on the ferocity of Yonce to get her pumped for her races too.
11. Born in the U.S.A – Bruce Springsteen (And all other songs about America)
This is a time to take pride in our country and the amazing people who live here. We’re the number one country on this planet and were going tell you about it till we’re blue in the face or until you literally knock us unconscious. So proud, in fact, that well probably put it on a tank top and matching beer koozie. #Tweet4Merica #Bck2BckWrldWrChmpz #ThxObama
And just because you know it has to happen,
12. Back in the U.S.S.R. – The Beatles
I hope Russia is better to you viewers than the Cold War was to us.